“There is no better way to grow as a person than to do something you hate every day.” — David Goggins. A poignant point. I need to do more things I hate everyday. There is something about constraint that leads to pleasure, suffering that leads to comfort. Walking is usually more enjoyable after I complete a run than it is when I’m walking home from work. Life is a bit paradoxical.
Today, I had the pleasure of attending a Tufts football game, reconnecting with old friends, an experience I found truly amazing. Toward the game’s conclusion, I engaged in a conversation with two women about the complexities of parenthood. However, the discussion took an unexpected turn when I expressed my discomfort regarding a local library’s display of drag queen books on the children’s floor. This came after a more amicable exchange about Bitcoin.
The energy in the conversation immediately shifted, and I sensed that my words had deeply offended my companions. The concept of ‘vibes’ or energy exchange suddenly became palpable, and it was undeniably draining. Rather than backing down, I endeavored to find common ground. They questioned why it was different for children to see drag queens when kids are exposed to heterosexual relationships regularly. I clarified that my concern wasn’t about the sexual orientation but the introduction of sexual topics to young children.
I further explained that I’m aware of algorithms influencing my online experiences, but it greatly concerns me that children are making potentially life-altering decisions like undergoing puberty blockers or sex-change surgeries. One of the women, who was a teacher, argued that it’s people like me who inhibit children’s growth. She challenged me to articulate what was wrong with a child seeing a book featuring drag queens. While part of me wished I could provide a more compelling answer, another part felt that some things shouldn’t need justification.
I listened attentively as she elaborated, even though I didn’t agree with all her points. However, I did appreciate the importance she placed on teaching kindness, love, and acceptance to children. Although I firmly disagreed with the idea that parents can be wrong about their child’s education, I empathized with her position of working with a larger group of kids than I do as a parent. It is important to recognize that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for public education. I asked for resources or recommendations to expand my understanding, though they didn’t offer a clear response.
What I’m most proud of is that I maintained emotional composure throughout the discussion, despite the inherent difficulty of such in-person conversations. It’s astonishing how much our beliefs are shaped by the algorithms on social media. Nevertheless, the core of our beliefs, shared by 80% of both parties, is the importance of teaching goodness, caring, and honesty. The remaining 20% comprises crucial but divisive topics, which, if I choose to homeschool my child, become less of an issue.
I firmly believe that engaging in conversations, seeking understanding, and leading with love are superior to retreating into online echo chambers. There’s no such thing as ‘wrong think,’ despite the divisive content that occasionally surfaces. Life is undoubtedly challenging, and people long to be heard, loved, and accepted. To achieve this, we must engage in these challenging dialogues. Personal growth necessitates tackling difficult subjects daily.
In the end, I feel that both the women I spoke with and me grew as individuals through our conversation. We were exposed to perspectives that exist beyond our social media bubbles. I share this reflection because it underscores the importance of not allowing one group to monopolize information and control narratives. Life is a journey best navigated with critical thinking, a propensity to question everything, and the willingness to tackle difficult tasks each day.
9/23/23
Conor Jay Chepenik
